...so i touched it.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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