Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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