Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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