There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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