According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
