you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
