goodnight i made you a song goodbye
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
