How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
