Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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