it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
