just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
