i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
