Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize