Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
