If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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