sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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