he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
