Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
