I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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