Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
