the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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