How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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