This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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