I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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