Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Randomize
