My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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