if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You have to summon your inner elephant
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
