she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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