Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
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i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
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Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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