you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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