Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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