Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize