Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
