Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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