why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
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why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
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People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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