Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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