worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
