Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
