the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize