Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
