I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Randomize