get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Holy sore nipples Batman
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
