guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
