worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
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We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
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I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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