I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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