i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
