I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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