Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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