So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
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