wat bout pragnant strippers??
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
