He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
