hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
