Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize