Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
