dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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