I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
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Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
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False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
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