I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
