She said her name was "party"
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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