I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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