Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
